The weather has been getting warmer. I like to sit in my West-facing kitchen and looking at the late afternoon/early evening sunlight. I usually sit in a way that makes the window frames block the actual sun; sometimes I sit there with sunglasses on. It’s not a spot made for casual hangs, but I just… Continue reading May 31, 2025, 23:01

I’m so done talking. It just feels so pointless. Especially now that it takes me so much energy and willpower to squeeze the odd thought out of my dried lemon of a brain, it just doesn’t feel worth it.

I was done with work for today by 5pm. Since then, I’ve been trying to muster the [something; willpower? Energy? Wherewithal? Strength?] to do something. I really want to paint, I have so many ideas. A few times, I sat (more: Lay) down in my improvised special painting mini sofa chair. The idea of having… Continue reading May 28, 2025, 20:34

I saw my new GP today. She’s a doctor in training and took over my previous doctor’s office who had gone on in her training to pediatrics; when I last saw her I joked about sneaking in, hoping no one would notice given my height (it’s a joke because I’m tall). She didn’t laugh. Today… Continue reading May 26, 2025, 23:44

I read a while ago that there’s a condition that makes it difficult or even impossible for people to swallow medication (dysphagia, describes any difficulty swallowing; I had to look that up, obviously). At the time, I thought it was curious, but I couldn’t quite imagine what it would be like (might just be a… Continue reading May 25, 2025, 23:19: Swallowing

My sleep pattern is fucked up again and I don’t know why.I had a pain clinic appointment yesterday. The doctor asked if there’s any specialist I can see about the ME/CFS; when I said no, her eyes widened, she was so surprised. (I just wanted to collapse on the ground.) By the time I got… Continue reading May 25, 2025, 01:05

I’m still used at those conf organizers who treat me very diffeeenrky all of a sudden and I don’t know why and they won’t tell meI’m fucking annoyed about having to go to the pain clinic tomorrow, at this point they’re even more useless to me than they’ve been fid a long fine, only this… Continue reading May 23, 2025, 0:17

I’m lying down. My heart is racing; this often happens when I’ve overexerted myself. It beats so fast it makes it hard to fall asleep (no matter how much fucking meditation I try).I got a request today to accommodate someone’s schedule changing (they canceled our time for today, which we’d set for weeks, at under… Continue reading May 21, 2025, 23:51

I don’t want to sleep. Instead, I’ve been browsing the web (I feel so 80s saying it like that) and buying more or less useless shit. I get eyebrow pencils from this store I really dislike, I always order several so that I only order there every 1.5 years or so. I wonder if it’s… Continue reading May 20, 2025, 01:46

Today was Sunday (technically yesterday). I was running a fever again. Spent half the day sleeping, the rest mostly eating the rhubarb crumble leftovers. I’ve been struggling with taking my meds every day. I don’t feel like any of them make any difference whatsoever. Well, that’s on the positive side; what they have for sure… Continue reading May 19, 2025, 0:03