I’m in so much pain. My muscles and joints are screaming.. Today, I stopped the tilidine altogether – I suspect increasingly that it’s behind the insane tiredness, but also that the intense itching all over my body (head! Fingers! Legs! Back! Head again!) is caused by it too. (For the last week or so, I… Continue reading June 30, 2025, 14:48: Where to go

Two days ago, the low-dose naltrexone side effects got so bad that I ended up throwing up in my mouth several times per hour, even more when I’d drank or eaten something within the last 6-8 hours. I would swallow it all back down and rinse out my mouth. That was also when I really… Continue reading June 28, 2025, 18:15: Barely awake

My teeth hurt, inside and out. I order six varieties of saltines and a bunch of other food for delivery (hummus! Carrots! Bread rolls!). I reheat leftovers from two nights ago for dinner, tomatoes baked with feta; once I take the sizzling food out of the microwave, my stomach turns just smelling it. I put… Continue reading June 25, 2025, 18:52

I’ve been awake (“awake”) since 5am. I’m infinitely tired. My head hurts so bad, I’m wearing my sunglasses inside my apartment. My lymph nodes in my throat feel like burning hot potatoes. The worst though, by far, is my stomach. It hurts so much. It’s so bloated that I could barely close my widest pants… Continue reading June 25, 2025, 17:49

I’m so exhausted that I can’t sleep. My muscles and joints hurt so much that I groan into my pillow whenever I move. I take some ibuprofen in hope it’ll take the edge off. I can’t find a blanket that works, I sweat like I’m melting, but at the same time, any air that hits… Continue reading June 24, 2025, 21:54

I saw my psychiatrist this morning. In my 30 minutes in the waiting room, I overhear four phone calls that his receptionist answered, apologetically, along the lines of “I’m afraid we can’t accept new patients at this time… yes, it’s awful, I’m sorry… no, unfortunately I don’t know of another practice that does.” She sounds… Continue reading June 24, 2025, 20:54

The violent burps and air in my stomach are back. Over the weekend, I had to throw up a few times over it. Even if I try and cast the triggering aspects aside, it’s still exhausting, so exhausting. And disgusting. The only thing I found so far the helps a bit is pausing the off… Continue reading June 23, 2025, 23:09

I spent 5 days on a business trip to another country (<2 hour flight) and I knew it would wreck me and it did and it was way less worth it than I thought it would be. I’m on day 5 of PEM and have to be back to (my <8 hours per week) work… Continue reading June 23, 2025, 00:56am

I went to a professional networking event earlier this evening, I showed up a fashionable 49 minutes after it started (in my defense, the organisers had described it as “drop in whenever”). Having spent the 6 hours before it in my hotel bed, blackout curtains shut, the sunlight and voices of a good 100 people… Continue reading June 15, 2025, 22:35: The Networking

I have a big presentation early next week. This used to be something I’d get nervous and anxious, but most of all excited about. Now, the logistics alone give me nightmares: How will I manage to drink so much throughout that I can’t handle my dry mouth and still speak, while ideally not having to… Continue reading June 13, 2025, 22:43: The Braining