The violent burps and air in my stomach are back. Over the weekend, I had to throw up a few times over it. Even if I try and cast the triggering aspects aside, it’s still exhausting, so exhausting. And disgusting. The only thing I found so far the helps a bit is pausing the off label meds for a few days.
The last two nights, I had to take lorazepam again to be finally able to sleep. I am open with my doctor about it, but am still severely concerned about ifs addictive potential. I really don’t want to lose access to benzos as an option, and I don’t want to have to go through becoming addicted and withdrawing. But there’s currently not much that helps me reliably sleep.
I’m beyond exhausted. Today’s work day was full, I had 4 external and 1 internal meeting and by 1pm, I was already ready to walk off a cliff or at least begin violently scream-crying (if only I had the energy for such shenanigans).
Instead, I drank more electrolytes, lay down in the dark, and day-dreamt of sleeping until next May, and then I got up when my timer went off at 2:57, sat down at my desk, put on my red lipstick, and joined my next meeting.
I’m not even very interested in eating anymore, it’s just too tiring. Normally, one of the first signs that I’m ill is when I have a huge appetite, it even still happens with my fatigue every few weeks. But this feels different.
I requested and got a call back from my GP about when and how to do a follow up exam for a slightly odd but not concerning thorax ct is gotten in January. She checked with a radiologist who recommended doing just an mri and about a year after, to minimize the radiation. I hear the logic, but don’t find it super reassuring.
My bones hurt, my joints, my muscles, my head, permanently and with added shooting pain every couple of minutes in a random spot. I’m so tired.