I saw a doctor again last week, the same one who first gave me the (very preliminary, very “I would first like to hear from your psychotherapist that they don’t think this is psychological before I make it official”) cautious diagnosis in February. He runs a private practice that I don’t really have the funds for, but I wanted to see him to get his perspective on what I could potentially try next, hoping for some ideas.
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I was quiet here for a while because times have been hard and I’ve had to deal with some family issues, unfortunately, which took a lot of time and energy this year. back to the doc:
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The main thing he told me was that he thinks I’ve tried everything substantial that there is to try at the moment. And: That he thinks I’m doing a bit better than when he last saw me ten months ago.
I hated hearing the first point, though, in hindsight, I should’ve been a bit less surprised.
The second point I’m still unsure about. I don’t think he’s wrong, but I feel too cautious to say he’s right. Most of all, I know several of my vitals have improved over this year (HRV (which also always maps to my severe crashes), heart rate, number of crashes). But I don’t really know why or how: I haven’t taken any meds longer term (I just don’t tolerate most stuff), couldn’t stick to supplements (felt useless or made me nauseous), didn’t change my diet much
The biggest things I did were
- Not much, I.e., lying around a lot watching tv or sleeping. Reducing my workload drastically again. Trying to get lots of sleep. Trying to avoid avoidable stress. I guess it’s called pacing.
- Figuring out that i have some histamine sensitivity. Still not sure what it is, where it comes from, but I know the symptoms and that high doses of antihistamines plus stomach meds help. Couldn’t tell you why or how. But it works.
- Figuring out more sleep stuff. I was diagnosed with RLS in June and have more sleep diagnostics stuff pending. It looks like at least some of my intense muscle pain originated from it. The treatment so far has been ridden with shit side effects (current: full body itching at all times; so fun!), but I’m keeping at it, the non-treatment is so much worse.
- Made some lifestyle changes, most of all trying to connect more with other people and exploring ways to learn and do good things within my limits,
Just to be clear, I’m so far from good still. and again, I’m so hesitant to even write this because it feels so very fragile, so fraught, and I don’t really know causes and effects. And I have no idea where any of this will go.