I have a big presentation early next week. This used to be something I’d get nervous and anxious, but most of all excited about. Now, the logistics alone give me nightmares: How will I manage to drink so much throughout that I can’t handle my dry mouth and still speak, while ideally not having to have water every minute? Will I be able to stand, or will I need to sit? How will it impact my ability to speak?
It makes the whole thing so much more of an ordeal, and so incredibly exhausting.
And now I’m panicking, because I am by far not as ready as I wanted to be, and I don’t feel capable of doing it. It feels boring, repetitive, and bland, and I don’t feel able to make it anything but that.
I tried to find something fun to read to take my mind off of things, but all apps are full of bad world news or work shit.
Out of anxious panic, I picked at the skin on my arms today. Haven’t done that in a long time. It’s okay, it was all I had to cope at that time.
I’m annoyed at myself for not bringing more anti anxiety meds with me.
The worse I’m doing, the worse my temperature regulation gets, I’m in my 20°C warm room and soaked in sweat.